I’m an Extraordinary Machine

June 10, 2010

I read this post by Sweetney today: The best I can. She did articulated better than I ever could what’s been swirling in my head for months. Please read it.

In the last year I’ve been so afraid I’m failing, hurting, scarring my kids in this shaking of my snow globe.

We’ve had oatmeal for dinner. We’ve eaten dinner at non-routine times, sometimes past regular dinnertime. We’ve eaten out more than in their entire lives. They’ve watched more TV. They’ve gone to bed late.

I’ve been snappier — okay, downright bitchy. I haven’t done enough fun things with them. Spent enough peaceful time with them. They’ve seen me cry and yell and sink to the floor.

But I’m trying so hard. I want to do my best. In spite of me, they’re doing well — because they are amazing. I want them to know I love them fiercely, without hesitation. That this trying is for them.




  1. I’m not a parent, so I know that I can’t completely relate, but I think I can sometimes give an alternative view. Sometimes I think parents forget about when they were kids. Unless you had either awful or perfect parents, most of our parents were imperfect. I spent countless hours watching crappy TV. My mother served me Spaghetti-O’s from the can. I grew up OK. Maybe a little neurotic. I felt love from my parents, they fed me, they played Monopoly with me, and they made sure I did my homework. And if they did that well, they did 99% of the job.

    • Perspective is a good thing. Thank you. [also, I think it’s silly when people’s opinions are discredited simply because they don’t have children — or given more weight because they do. Experience counts for MUCH but isn’t the whole game.]

  2. I am a parent of four, and I have to agree with Neil.

    Life is not perfect, in fact it’s far from it. As you obviously know, it’s full of struggles and disappointment. Your kids will learn so much by seeing you try.

    They are as forgiving of you, as you are of them. They love you!

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