Posts Tagged ‘jakob’


I’m an Extraordinary Machine

June 10, 2010

I read this post by Sweetney today: The best I can. She did articulated better than I ever could what’s been swirling in my head for months. Please read it.

In the last year I’ve been so afraid I’m failing, hurting, scarring my kids in this shaking of my snow globe.

We’ve had oatmeal for dinner. We’ve eaten dinner at non-routine times, sometimes past regular dinnertime. We’ve eaten out more than in their entire lives. They’ve watched more TV. They’ve gone to bed late.

I’ve been snappier — okay, downright bitchy. I haven’t done enough fun things with them. Spent enough peaceful time with them. They’ve seen me cry and yell and sink to the floor.

But I’m trying so hard. I want to do my best. In spite of me, they’re doing well — because they are amazing. I want them to know I love them fiercely, without hesitation. That this trying is for them.



The Year According to Jakob

March 8, 2010

Jakob turned 8 on Nov 4. EIGHT. Because 7 8 9. I can’t believe I have a second-grader. Notes from spring to now-ish [precious few, I know]:

Oh, great, we start with a sad one…He called himself “stupid” and my heart broke. On the other hand he’s having trouble putting down a book and I love it.

Saturday, April 25
J – What does suspended mean?
L – That you got in so much trouble they won’t let you go to school. You have to stay home.
J – *jaw drops* Then you can’t even learn!
L – Exactly.

He knows the different kinds of clouds.


He already outgrew his shiny black bike. He experimented with his dad’s old skateboard. He played soccer, baseball, and hockey and took swim lessons. Before you get your panties in a twist they don’t overlap and I know my kid. kthx.

January 5
He’s responding awesomely to my personal growth and changes in how I approach things. Not even changes so much as doing a much better job at what I was trying to do before. His teacher has noticed too.


Despite the tumultuous year, he has been doing well. Considering. His evaluations are often the highest in the class and always well above the goal. He is still very social, having worked through a more withdrawn couple of months before Christmas. The move to Orange City was hardest on him and he has thrived since being back in Sioux Center.

He’s taller still. His 12 slim jeans won’t work in the fall. He likes to listen to music & stories on his mp3 player before he falls asleep. Sometimes he finds games on the radio instead. He loves to read and grasps new math concepts without blinking. His teacher loves his personality and well-developed sense of humor.

I’ve made – and continue to make – so many mistakes with him. He’s so special to me; he was not a mistake but a surprise. An unexpected, undeserved gift. He was part of me learning that I could be a mom; how to be a mom. That I love being his mom. What it is like to be filled to bursting with such love it surprises you.


aujourd’hui Keira a quatre ans

October 22, 2009

Keira is four years old today. [Pretend it’s still before midnight on the 21st.] It’s become a tradition to link to the announcement my friend Tanya made & my post about the experience.  They’re locked posts on eljay, so I will do a little c/p action.  Oooh.  Because I’m ridiculously behind, I’m also going to throw in my journal notes from spring to now.


Oct. 21st, 2005 at 6:39 PM

Hey… This is Tanya (aka LadderMonkey)

Lin just called me… *beams* I’m SPECIAL!!!

Keira Alexandra was born at 12:57 a.m. Oct. 21, 2005.

6 lbs 7.7 oz

19 1/2 inches long

She and mom are doing GREAT! Lin just sounds soooo GOOD!

Keira had a CT scan today neurologist is 50/50 on what he thinks is going on. Her head size is normal and so they’re just going to do a “wait and see” kind of thing. They take her back in next week for a follow up visit.

Jakob has not met baby sister yet… but will today!

Lin says that daddy is in love… baby has got him wrapped around her little finger and she doesn’t even know it yet.
So, leave her LOTS of CONGRATS!!!!


Keira’s birth.

Nov. 17th, 2005 at 2:47 AM

Thursday 10.20 – Friday 10.21

[No notes from today. Come on memory, don’t fail me now.]

I had more contractions through the night. I was able to sleep through them and they were irregular so I knew it wasn’t labor, but I went in to the clinic to see if they’d caused me to dilate more. I was at 5cm; I went to talk to FIL and he said if I started having regular contractions he personally wouldn’t put me on the road. He called Perinatologist to see if she wanted me to head up tomorrow morning to have my water broken or what; she said that she’d actually like us to head up immediately.

I went through my mental inventory of what had been done and what needed to be done, called Adam, and set to work. Susan was up, so she french braided my hair. It ended up being three hours before we actually hit the road. I was having irregular contractions through that time. The ILs got the call that their new van came in, so we took what is now our van. Once on the road, partly out of curiosity and partly to stave off boredom, I started timing the contractions. Hello, they were 4-6mins apart and stayed there for the duration of the hour-long trip. Between writing down times, I made sure I had plenty of lip gloss, filed my nails, and finished reading Magic for Marigold.
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