Posts Tagged ‘keira’


I’m an Extraordinary Machine

June 10, 2010

I read this post by Sweetney today: The best I can. She did articulated better than I ever could what’s been swirling in my head for months. Please read it.

In the last year I’ve been so afraid I’m failing, hurting, scarring my kids in this shaking of my snow globe.

We’ve had oatmeal for dinner. We’ve eaten dinner at non-routine times, sometimes past regular dinnertime. We’ve eaten out more than in their entire lives. They’ve watched more TV. They’ve gone to bed late.

I’ve been snappier — okay, downright bitchy. I haven’t done enough fun things with them. Spent enough peaceful time with them. They’ve seen me cry and yell and sink to the floor.

But I’m trying so hard. I want to do my best. In spite of me, they’re doing well — because they are amazing. I want them to know I love them fiercely, without hesitation. That this trying is for them.



there is a light in your eyes

November 13, 2009

I’ve finally gone through and gathered up the posts about the Stuff surrounding Keira’s birth from my LJ memories through the end of 2005. The pictures don’t work because the server they were on is no more. …and I’m spent.

Ultrasound Pictures & News – July 6, 2005

Okay. I don’t really know how to leap into relaying stuff like this, so we’ll start simple: there is good news and not-so-good news. And now I shall just spill it all as I remember it.

Measurements averaged out to put me at a due date of only two days before my previous one, so that’s cool. So, the deal is that in Baby’s brain there are ventricles, just like in your heart. The lateral & third ventricles are enlarged. Head circumference is 1.7cm; the “limit” for “normal” is 1cm at this stage. The different may not seem like a lot, but it means it is measuring at 23wks instead of the 21wks 4 days I currently am. On the other hand, the legs are measuring 21wks and abdomen 20wks, both within normal limits. The radiologist is fairly confident the enlargement is due to aqueductal stenosis, causing hydrocephalus. I’m being referred to a perinatologist in Sioux Falls. The appointment is early tomorrow (Wednesday) morning.

FIL said we are probably looking at 1) Baby getting a shunt and 2) the possibility of the head getting big enough that they will want to do a C-section. I can’t dwell on that right now.

The ultrasound experience itself was very cool. I don’t want to forget that. We saw the aorta, which got the tech really excited b/c she said she doesn’t get to see it that clearly very often. Baby wouldn’t give us many face-on shots, but we caught a quick glimpse and I saw Baby’s wee nose. We also got a front view of a leg and both bones were amazingly clear. While the radiologist was looking at things, Adam was able to see a profile shot and the Baby turning its head.

ETA: Sorry, I totally forgot to write about trying to discover the sex. The tech was finally able to catch Baby in a pretty good position, just not crystal-clear. She said since I am this far along a penis should have been really obvious/visible, but it wasn’t — only it wasn’t clear enough for her to see labia. Take from that what you will. She thinks it’s a girl.

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aujourd’hui Keira a quatre ans

October 22, 2009

Keira is four years old today. [Pretend it’s still before midnight on the 21st.] It’s become a tradition to link to the announcement my friend Tanya made & my post about the experience.  They’re locked posts on eljay, so I will do a little c/p action.  Oooh.  Because I’m ridiculously behind, I’m also going to throw in my journal notes from spring to now.


Oct. 21st, 2005 at 6:39 PM

Hey… This is Tanya (aka LadderMonkey)

Lin just called me… *beams* I’m SPECIAL!!!

Keira Alexandra was born at 12:57 a.m. Oct. 21, 2005.

6 lbs 7.7 oz

19 1/2 inches long

She and mom are doing GREAT! Lin just sounds soooo GOOD!

Keira had a CT scan today neurologist is 50/50 on what he thinks is going on. Her head size is normal and so they’re just going to do a “wait and see” kind of thing. They take her back in next week for a follow up visit.

Jakob has not met baby sister yet… but will today!

Lin says that daddy is in love… baby has got him wrapped around her little finger and she doesn’t even know it yet.
So, leave her LOTS of CONGRATS!!!!


Keira’s birth.

Nov. 17th, 2005 at 2:47 AM

Thursday 10.20 – Friday 10.21

[No notes from today. Come on memory, don’t fail me now.]

I had more contractions through the night. I was able to sleep through them and they were irregular so I knew it wasn’t labor, but I went in to the clinic to see if they’d caused me to dilate more. I was at 5cm; I went to talk to FIL and he said if I started having regular contractions he personally wouldn’t put me on the road. He called Perinatologist to see if she wanted me to head up tomorrow morning to have my water broken or what; she said that she’d actually like us to head up immediately.

I went through my mental inventory of what had been done and what needed to be done, called Adam, and set to work. Susan was up, so she french braided my hair. It ended up being three hours before we actually hit the road. I was having irregular contractions through that time. The ILs got the call that their new van came in, so we took what is now our van. Once on the road, partly out of curiosity and partly to stave off boredom, I started timing the contractions. Hello, they were 4-6mins apart and stayed there for the duration of the hour-long trip. Between writing down times, I made sure I had plenty of lip gloss, filed my nails, and finished reading Magic for Marigold.
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June 23, 2009

Keira was pretending to be a mom.  I was the kid.

She crawled under the covers.  “I’m sleeping.  I have a headache.”


Found a Flower at My Feet

April 10, 2009

Way back in February it was 12 degrees; there was no school and the kids were so antsy I finally gave in to their pleading and bundled them up to play outside. Ten minutes later Jakob burst inside. “Keira fell and she won’t stop crying!” I looked outside — she was lying on her stomach by the playset, half-screaming, half-crying. I leapt down the back steps and realized as I landed that I was barefoot. My left foot still has purple scars from the cuts I received as I ran over the snow and ice. I’ve never seen Keira fall and just lie there…. I scooped up her limp body and ran back to the house. I said to Keira over and over, “it’s okay baby. Mama’s got you. It’s okay.” Halfway there the pain set in.

It hadn’t registered yet that she didn’t reach for me and hold on monkey-style. The phone rang and because I’m neurotic, I grabbed it as I sat with Keira on the couch. It was Julie. I must have sounded a little panicky as I explained what was going on; she said she’d call back in a few minutes. Keira hadn’t calmed at all but the crying was strange. I can’t think how to describe it. She wasn’t really focusing on anything and as I removed her hat and coat she pushed me away. “I don’t want you! I want my mommy!” “Baby, it’s me. I am your mommy.” “Noooo you’re not my mama, I want my big mama!” The words themselves, the text, look funny. It was terrifying.

I called the clinic and as I held for the triage nurse Keira said her belly hurt. Concussion, I thought. Sure enough they wanted me to bring her in. I bundled her back up and ordered Jakob to Get Some Shoes On because we were Leaving Right Now. That boy needs to learn to heed the lightning in my eyes when I’m Very Serious. The nurse took her vitals and once she heard about Keira not recognizing me it was a foregone conclusion that they a CT scan. She walked trotted us over to the ER, explaining on the way that we could get one right away there versus waiting for approval. Handily, the clinic and the hospital are connected so we went from one world to another without stepping outside.

Keira asked for Adam while we were answering questions in the ER. Shortly after he arrived she vomited for the first time in more than two years which (understandably) freaked her out. At various points she fell into a light sleep as I sang to her and gave rubbies.

The CT scan didn’t go well. Being in pain and completely exhausted meant she was beyond comfort or cooperation. The tech held her head (yes. she screamed.) but they still had to do a second take.

We plodded to a 3×9 cave masquerading as the ER waiting room (clearly identified as NOT the urgent care waiting room). Jakob got to watch some Spongebob while I paced the cave and called my MIL and SIL. In the interest of full disclosure this was actually the shortest ER wait time I’ve ever experienced, so there’s that. After we had all been properly subdued in the Cave of Doom the doctor informed us the scan showed no trauma and they were calling it a concussion with no need for follow-up unless These Terrifying Symptoms occurred. They did not. She vomited twice more at home and was of course completely wiped by the experience, but was fine. Is fine.

For the first 3 weeks post-concussion she was extremely clingy. This made starting at her new sitter a little more difficult, but the sitter is very laid back and non-threatening so it went pretty well, considering. She is now very comfortable there and I see the personality that had disappeared at her old daycare.

My bebegirl is okay.

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